![]() Surgeon Simulator is the worst game I have ever reviewed.It’s rare to have this sort of thing shouted at you by a games developer. But there is no enjoyment to be found here. They are meant to be fun and provide enjoyment. I try to see the good in everything I play. Even if you have gone through, good luck with the game’s broken controls.īusted controls and levels that are unplayable to everyone except doctors add up to an awful experience. The game assumes you went to medical school, and you need this education to get through it. There’s not holding the player’s hand and then there’s just being lazy. A game advertised to the general public is unplayable unless you have gone to medical school. I feel like I should not even say anything else. ![]() I had no clue how to get through the bones and take out the current heart without killing my patient. It just told me to perform heart surgery. Upon starting the game, I was greeted with the following: “Perform a heart transplant.” No instructions, no hints on what tools to use. Even worse is that the game goes for a mostly cartoony look, which contrasts horribly with the blood and organs in the game. The graphics themselves look very cheap, more like a shovelware Wii title than a PS4 game. I can tell one tool apart from another and one organ from another. The only point in Surgeon Simulator’s favor is that I can tell what everything is. This game feels more like what I imagine it is like to be on Quaaludes as seen in The Wolf of Wall Street. ![]() When I am drunk, I can wrap my fingers around objects to grab them fairly easily. I may knock over a glass, but not everything it hovers near like this game. When I am drunk, I have some control over where I move an arm. I would like to say that Surgeon Simulator makes me feel drunk, but I cannot. I do not know anyone who uses their fingers this way, which again underscores how bizarre these controls are. R1 controls half your fingers while R2 controls the other half, though only holding both lets you control them all at once. This makes any elevation besides the highest and lowest incredibly difficult to reach, which the game strangely asks you to do at times. Rather than have your pressure on the trigger control the elevation, however, it’s the amount of time you hold the trigger that does so. These alone were enough to frustrate at every turn as I was constantly knocking over things I needed to pick up, never once getting used to them. The left stick very imprecisely controls where your arm moves while either the right stick or motion sensor controls your hand’s positioning. ![]() Surgeon Simulator has a horribly unintuitive control scheme. I was clueless, I was clumsy, and my character wore a wristwatch on his right hand. I bring this up because Surgeon Simulator did a perfect job of putting me in his state of mind. Nick knows less about heart surgery than Lisa, uses gloves he got with his toilet brush and realizes mid-surgery he still has his wristwatch on. One of my favorite episodes of The Simpsons is about Homer needing heart surgery, but he can only afford Dr.
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